Fear

I have realized the last few weeks, I have let fear control me for a while. Over a year ago I had some bad experiences that have left me questioning who I trust. I was hurt and so to protect myself, I curled into a ball and proceeded to shut everyone I could get away with out. Guess what, you cannot get into such a small tight ball that you are never hurt. I still have been hurt by people. I HAVE hurt people. I have said things and pushed people away. How do you come back from that. How do you put yourself back out there? Do you let the people who hurt you back in? Well I have decided to just let that happen as it happens. I have invited a few people to things. I have tried to go to others things. I probably will never trust the same way I used to. That is part of being adult. Which is highly over rated sometimes!! Oh to have the old faith still. I don't want to live in a curled up ball though. I am a person who has failed at a lot of things but I have also accomplished alot of things. I am just as messed up as others. No way perfect. I say the wrong things sometimes. I do the wrong things sometimes. But I am trying! Always trying. So I am determined to not live in fear. I know it is a little early but the end of the year is coming. This year I did only a few things I had planned because of this tight ball I was curled up in. A few weeks ago someone was talking about taking a word and making it your motto/cause for the year. So that is what I am still thinking about. What word I can use to get myself out of the bondage of my own fear. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of not being worthy, fear of being condemned by my past mistakes, Fear of failure. I know I said one of them twice I am most afraid of that.



Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”


I need to remember this! I am working on it. Even trying to get back into church, even that I still carry large fears over. If you are a praying person please pray for me!

Well today was a quick, nice walk. I did the USI/Burdette trail. I did one direction only. I will go back and walk the little nub to the lake. Today I was dropped off at USI trailhead and made quick work of the walk. Mindy went with me. It is kind of a congested trail. There were lots of walkers, runners and bikers! I don't mind that. I wonder in the early morning how it would be, to watch/see animals.

LBL N/S Hike 2.1 Day 2

Hike 2.1 Day 2 We woke up to a very cold morning. Making the coffee that morning even the propane was cold!!

The rain had stopped. Don unpacked the cooler and totes and was off to Wal-mart! Donnie Ana and I started getting breakfast and cleaning camp. The gatekeeper came by and checked on us. He let us know that the rain had moved out maybe just a sprinkle left. YAY!! We got out the propane stove and made bacon and eggs. The smell was so good and tasted great.

I felt a little guilty for having them without Don. The cowboy from last night came and said goodbye and good luck. When he left we got all their leftover wood. He had left a huge stack of old barn wood. We were gathering tiny sticks and stuff to start a fire. The neighbor behind us came over and poured some kind of fuel on the wood for us and really got it going. We aren’t sure what kind of fuel it was it was thick and green?

Oh the fire felt great. We were able to dry the blankets and pillows that had been rained on. We just sat huddled around the fire warming up and waiting. When yet another neighbor came over and offered hot coffee or hot cider! It felt really great this is the way camping had always been for me. People taking care of one another. Not being ignored like we were at Sugar Bay the first time. Donnie and Ana went and got Hot Cider made fresh for them and got to meet the ladies horses. I felt just wonderful! As we were preparing to leave camp tents had been cleaned and packed when a mystery arose. Donnie has lost a sock! How do you lose a sock when we only have limited places we have been. We were all contemplating where it could be when I looked down and there it was in his pants leg! What a funny way to start the day! Donnie and Ana take us back to Fords Bay road and we begin to hike. This particular part of the trail is just pretty normal walking. Had it not rained the night before! Our feet were sliding in mud. We had to walk around thick mud and would get it on our shoes the added weight was not okay!

We came to one section where the trail went off in five different directions. Thank goodness for the white diamond markers. We were also thankful for the advice the Cowboy had given us. We came upon the first logging area. It was very confusing. The trails seemed to go everywhere and now where. He had told us that the one that least looked like the trail wad the one we needed. I was so confused and nervous we didn’t even get picture. It was pretty crazy to see. All I could think of was Fern Gully and the monster eating the forest. We stopped at Blossey Cemetery for lunch. It was interesting because there was this sign:

And the Cemetery only had one stone in it.

It was a nice place to stop and eat though. Open at the top of the hill. We had decided that the kids would have a check point today. So they met us at road 165, the road that Donnie and Ana had gone to the day before! I felt better having a check point. Right after our meet up we realized a bridge was missing so we followed the horse trails for a little while. We continued on happy to cross back over to the other side of the Trace. We crossed over and ran into the detour! We had to walk the road until Ginger Bay Road because there was a major logging and controlled burn area. So we walked on down to where Donnie and Ana were waiting for us. We decided from there to drive on down to Piney campground for the night. This is the campground I have went to since I was a little girl so I am very comfortable there. We again set up camp and started a fire then went to bed! The end of day 2

Make plans

Well I have always said how to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. I had all of these great New years plans. Which I am doing really good about keeping to them. But way to throw a monkey wrench in getting the stomach bug from hell! I am not kidding. I have not been sick like that well really ever that I know of. It didn't last real long. I would have had to have gone to the hospital other wise. That was awful. I am going to get back to it in the morning. I really didn't go off track food wise because well 1 saltine cracker and a can of ginger ale don't count! I think I was as frustrated by the fact that it was beautiful outside this weekend. I would have been outside doing something instead of stuck inside. Well enough of my whining about it. Better now so moving on.