Tuesday, November 5, 2013
I have realized the last few weeks, I have let fear control me for a while. Over a year ago I had some bad experiences that have left me questioning who I trust. I was hurt and so to protect myself, I curled into a ball and proceeded to shut everyone I could get away with out. Guess what, you cannot get into such a small tight ball that you are never hurt. I still have been hurt by people. I HAVE hurt people. I have said things and pushed people away. How do you come back from that. How do you put yourself back out there? Do you let the people who hurt you back in? Well I have decided to just let that happen as it happens. I have invited a few people to things. I have tried to go to others things. I probably will never trust the same way I used to. That is part of being adult. Which is highly over rated sometimes!! Oh to have the old faith still. I don't want to live in a curled up ball though. I am a person who has failed at a lot of things but I have also accomplished alot of things. I am just as messed up as others. No way perfect. I say the wrong things sometimes. I do the wrong things sometimes. But I am trying! Always trying. So I am determined to not live in fear. I know it is a little early but the end of the year is coming. This year I did only a few things I had planned because of this tight ball I was curled up in. A few weeks ago someone was talking about taking a word and making it your motto/cause for the year. So that is what I am still thinking about. What word I can use to get myself out of the bondage of my own fear. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of not being worthy, fear of being condemned by my past mistakes, Fear of failure. I know I said one of them twice I am most afraid of that.
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
I need to remember this! I am working on it. Even trying to get back into church, even that I still carry large fears over. If you are a praying person please pray for me!