Monday, August 11, 2014

Those Answers to Prayers You Never Really Wanted

Praying is something I have always been pretty good at. I always talked to God openly. My fears, my concerns, for others, family, friends, needs and wants. I fully believe in Matthew 7:7-8:

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

I know that many things and situations in my life have had God's protection and guidance because of prayer. My prayers and others praying for me. Here is where the problem comes. When you pray for things and people and it doesn't turn out how you planned. Five years ago I was praying everyday for my daughter, son in law and my grand daughter. I was worried for them. I had this worry for my daughter I couldn't explain, so I prayed. Lord protect her. I prayed Lord let your will be done. That is what we are suppose to pray for, right? I remember one night laying in bed just crying praying for my grandchild. Then November came, at 24 weeks Sarah was gone. Is that God's will, really. Well I don't like that will of God! How is this part of the plan. Prayer is suppose to make things better, right? Not always. Sometimes I know God has a different plan. We pray for "Gods will" based on his own Son's prayer. Matthew 26:36-42:

36 Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples,“Sit here while I go and pray over there.” 37 And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. 38 Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.”

39 He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”

40 Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “What! Could you not watch with Me one hour? 41 Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

42 Again, a second time, He went away and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if this cup cannot pass away from Me unless[a] I drink it, Your will be done.”

So I now struggle with hardcore specific prayer sometimes. I had another moment recently that prayer wasn't exactly answered the way I wanted. About a year ago my Son was having serious marital issues. So I pray for him and his wife. I started with basic prayers, Lord Heal their marriage, Be with my son, blah blah. One night I was just worried. They were having some marriage struggles again. I lay in bed again with tears rolling. I felt like I needed to be more specific in my prayer. I prayed that if they were gonna make that God would move in a big way to confirm this to them and me. Then I prayed, But Lord if it isn't suppose to work out please let it blow up so there is no question. I prayed for it to blow up, who does that. Things seemed to be going good. So I went back to normal prayers. But then, Wow, did I get what I asked for. It was bad and very explosive. Nothing could have prepared us for the hurt and anger that is coming from this. But I prayed for it.......I asked for this bad thing? No! I wasn't praying for bad things. I know these bad things were just happening.

I do not write this to discourage anyone from praying. I believe it is the most important part of your relationship with God. I write it to remind you that even though these did not turn out the way I wanted. I KNOW God has a plan that is bigger then my prayers. I will still pray specifically when ever I can. I believe joy will reenter my sons life. I have two beautiful grandsons and an amazing granddaughter that I get to hold here on earth. I do not have to understand God's ways to have faith in him. Keep praying! Pray for all situations, good bad, ugly!

Sunday, May 11, 2014

the Worst

I hate when I mess things up. When there is no one to blame but myself. It would be nice if blame could fall on someone else. It can't I must be accountable to myself. Right now I stink at being the best me there is...

Monday, April 21, 2014


We went to Hovey Lake to kayak today. I am so happy we bought them. Spending time on the water just seems to center my soul. Being outside is something no pill can give you. I really can not wait to get on Kentucky Lake.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Grand daughter

I realized I haven't posted in a long time including the fact I now have a beautiful Grabndbaby Girl!!
She is so precious! She is about to start walking now and is so big already! Faye

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Joy how I lost it, Time to Take it back!

What is your Joy? Have you lost your joy? What can you do to find your Joy? What is Joy? The definition is: a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. I have known for a while I lost my joy. Here is the problem though. In my own weakness I really didn't lose it. I gave it away. I wrapped it in neat little boxes and handed it to undeserving people. How did I do that. I opened my ears to the negativity of others. I didn't just listen to it, I wallowed in it. I became angry from it. I let it take root in my heart. I walked away from everything I knew.
   In allowing it to take root in my heart, I started to not even just believe the negative things people were saying about me. I believed what people were saying about others. I allowed a major argumentative spirit into my life. I didn't trust any one.
  I also have allowed my self speak to strip any other joy I have. If you think I have been harsh to others, oh how I speak to myself smashes my joy. Blocks out the sun and the stars and the moon. I stomp on my own joy.
   I am ready to take it back though. It started this past summer, realizing who I am and who I am not. I had put myself on this perfection pedestal. If I wasn't perfect then I was nothing. Well I am not perfect, but I am worthy of love, of friendship, of JOY! Not just oh yeah things are good. But my life to be joyous! To wake up full of pleasure to get the day started! No more giving my joy away to anyone. There is a difference in sharing your joy and giving it away. I want to share my joys!
   I want to open my home, my heart, my mind to sharing my joy!
My joys are found in Worshiping God, in My husband who is awesome! I have 3 cool kids with 3 cool spouses. I have 3 amazing grandkids, I have an angel (Sarah) watching us all.   I have a body that works and a mind that is learning everyday. So no more living with out JOY!