Grief sucks

Well I am still struggling with the death of my granddaughter. I really want to enjoy the holidays this year. I don't think it is gonna happen. I really wish they would get over. I want the new year to begin. I want a marker that says move on. I am still doing the Beth Moore study Get Out of that Pit. It helps alot. I just really want to focus on God, the new ministry, my health, my families health. Not all the commercialism of the season. I know I should be focusing on Christ's birth now too but it just all feels so off this year. I want it over. I am probably hurting people's feelings by being so blah. I don't mean to and will try to do better. I love my whole family and friends. I just feel a little selfish in my grief. I am not able to share it and talk to everyone about it. That is to hard.